May 2, 2007

Hello Everyone!

Like Jim, The Lizard King, Mr Mojo Rising, said, "This is the strangest life I've ever known."

A year ago today, I had just gotten back to my home sweet home from closing (I thought) my chapter on Colin, the person who had been at that time the one and only love of my life.

I met Colin when he was my mother's home care nurse when she still lived here and he was just the cutest little Julian Sands fella I'd ever seen. We clicked well and the relationship progressed, but after we spent some time living together, it didn't work out and we parted ways.  We both were regretful that such was the case, but viewed it with the attitude of, "Hey, it happens."

For whatever reason, he asked me to be his best man when he married Zoe, the lesbian, who was pregnant with his child.  It wasn't a good situation, but I was out of it and I figured I could do this last thing for him out of honor of the time we spent together.  The story of that trip is here (as it pertains to today's entry):

The wedding, etc (May)

I went home after that bizarre experience, feeling I'd done my due and closing the book, not just the chapter.  He called me a few times after that, but I didn't take or return the calls.  I needed it to be finished.

Then, I was sitting and eating Cheetos one day when a hurricane blew into town, or at least my part of town:

Next bit (August)

Again, I thought it was over, but at the urgings of some of my intrepid readers (you lot can be a pushy bunch when you put your mind to it), I decided to do a little storm chasing:

Almost there (November)

It ended up being a good thing.  It was a life altering thing, but in a good way.  Then, my brother-in-law died and my stupid family got all up in my bidness:

Ending up with this (February)

Zoe and I didn't really talk much about what went on when Dale died other than to decide that we liked things as they were and didn't really have any need to change anything.  I was good with that.

I went on taking care of Cait while Zoe worked and life was peaceful.  Day in and day out, nothing much changed and we were both pretty happy; at least I was and I presume she was.  She didn't complain, anyway, but you never really know what's brewing in somebody's  head and what they're missing in their life.

Then Del died. 

Delbert is a guy who my best friend, Kurt (he of "The Head" fame), and I have known for literally decades.  We aren't particularly close.  In fact, I don't think I'd actually seen him for a couple of years.   He was pretty much a guy we knew here in town who we'd talk to when we saw him and didn't think too much about when we didn't.  I'm sure he probably viewed us the same way.  We knew his family as well.  He has a brother who is a year or two younger and his dad is still alive and lives here in town.  Anyway, Del died and Kurt and I thought we ought to go to his funeral, which we did about a week ago. 

While we were there, doing the funeral mingle, we learned that Del and his wife had split up some time back and he had taken up with a younger woman.  I don't know which came first on that one, the chicken or the egg, but I do know that his wife, Tricia, was not at the funeral, however, his brother, who is now a successful attorney, was.  Evidently, Del had been quite the busy boy since I saw him last and he and YW (Younger Woman) had produced a little child who was in that toddler stage. 

Frank (the brother) told us that he had been after Del to change his will to include YW and the baby, but Del, who'd always acted like he was bulletproof anyway, had not done so that day a couple of weeks ago when he decided to take advantage of the warm weather and took the afternoon off to knock out 18 holes of golf.  Three holes into it, he dropped down dead as a doornail as he was putting or driving or some other golfy thing.  Evidently, that left YW and Baby in quite a pickle since Tricia was named as beneficiary, along with their two (legitimate) children.  Del wasn't bad off financially and evidently was in possession of a good collection of life insurance policies, also listing Tricia as the beneficiary.   They had not divorced, but Del shared a house with YW and Baby while Tricia still lived in what had been their family home.

Except now, according to Frank, the second house will be paid off by mortgage insurance and will belong to Tricia, as well as the family house.  In fact, everything will belong to Tricia and she isn't really interested in having "tenants."  YW has no job and no holdings of her own.  Since she has a rightful heir to Del's estate, she can challenge the will and likely would win a settlement, but in the meantime, she has 30 days to get out of the house and on her own.  Evidently, Del had some cash in the house and on his person, which Frank made sure found their way to YW.

This got my wheels to turning.  Although I do not have an embittered ex-wife to raise havoc should I not make it through 18 holes of golf without dropping dead (I don't play golf...the clothes don't suit me), I do have a family who has an investment in this house because even though it is in my name, it was our family home.  I do not have a will (although that is in the process of being changed) because I never had anything to leave anyone and figured the family would do whatever they wanted with my house and belongings.  I didn't really care what happened to my assets after I died because I certainly would not need them.

I have an appointment to go sign the new will tomorrow.  I want to make certain that Zoe and Cait are well cared for if something happens to me.  Sure, she has a good job and can support herself, but I don't want her to have to find a new place to live and such should anything untoward happen.

Then I started thinking about Cait and what might happen to her if Zoe died.  Sure, Zoe is a healthy, young thing, but who knows?  None of us are assured a life free of automobile accidents or broken elevator cables and the like.  I have no legal claim to the baby and I can't bear to think of Zoe's parents getting custody of Cait.  After talking it over with Zoe, we have initiated legal adoption proceedings.  It's fairly straightforward since she has receipts and paperwork for artificial insemination that occurred around the time of conception and is the sole legal custodial parent.  It's even easier also because Zoe lives in the home where the baby will be living.  It's mostly a matter of paperwork and signatures and formalities.

It amazes me that I'm going to be a dad in a very short period of time.

Of course, this took us into some heavy discussion about how me adopting Cait creates a lifetime commitment between us.  It's a big step between two people who barely knew (and did not like) one another a year ago.  Still, it feels right and seems to be the best thing to do.

So then we got into conversations about Del's wife, Tricia, and how indisputable that wedding certificate is when he comes to legalities.  After a lot of talk about what all we do and do not want out of life and various implications and such, we (reluctantly) left Cait with Kurt and Maxine last weekend and went to Reno and got married. 

That will also, I am told, make the adoption proceed faster and more smoothly.

I was hesitant to do this, not just because of the unconventiality of it, but because Zoe is considerably younger than I am and has just this year come out of a very confusing period of her life where she was gay and then she wasn't and then she was celibate and not sure where her sexuality was set.  I am not one to ever say never, but suffice it to say that I am unquestioning about my own.  As much as I adore this woman, love her to pieces even, at this point, I'd have to say that it's a part of our life together that would not be explored.  It seemed unfair to attach that kind of restriction onto a marriage.  As it turned out, we'd both been individually mulling over the things my family said in February and wondering if it could work.  We are so well suited to one another and I really couldn't ask for a better life partner.  Cait is not the only interest we share and we truly enjoy the company of one another.  I just worry that as time goes by, she's going to want more and I won't be able to give it to her.  We've even shared the same bed several times before and to put it delicately, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.  There was the lovely closeness of cuddling with someone I care for, but that was it.

When we discussed that very issue before deciding to take the trip, Zoe laughed and said, "You're just such a woman, Sage.   Do you know that millions of women in America feel the same way and are very married?"  I pointed out that I couldn't imagine that their husbands were very happily married if that was the case.  She said that was because they were sold a bill of goods before the marriage when life was different.  Our lives wouldn't be changing and we had no hot history of premarital sexuality to maintain.  She promised me that in the future, if she ever felt that she needed to pursue that side of her life, she would be honest and tell me directly and I would immediately give her a divorce.  Then she smiled, took my hand and said one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me, "Honey, there's no piece of tail on earth that is worth losing you over."  My heart melted and I knew I didn't ever want to be without her.

Sure, I was sure after Colin and I broke up that I had no interest in pursuing another relationship.  I had to trust that she knew her own mind and could make her own choices, so off we went.  I didn't hesitate anywhere along the way and it all felt like what should be happening.  I asked her if she wanted the dress and the cake and everything and she laughed and said, "Been there, done that.  No thanks."  I wanted to go to Vegas to be married in the Elvis chapel, but we both felt like it was too far away from Cait.  We did both want nice rings, which we got and proudly wear.

We left on Friday morning, got married Friday afternoon, gambled and had fun that evening, then came home Saturday morning.  We were both excited to see Sweet Cait, who had been happily visiting with Auntie Maxine and Uncle Kurt.  Maxine insisted on having a reception and most of the family will be coming in for it.  We wanted to keep things quiet, but they all seem to need to celebrate and I don't mind giving them that.  I could do worse than celebrating a life with my two girls and doing so with my closest friends and family.

Besides, there will definitely be good eats there once Maxine, my mom and the sisters get finished.  I never say no to good eats.

Today is day 5 of me being an old married man.  It's bizarre that the very act of signing a piece of paper and speaking certain words in a social ritual really does change how you feel and how you are in the world.  I definitely feel closer to Zoe and I know we both feel more secure about the future.  Zoe pointed out that any time you get married, you don't really know what the future might bring.  All you can do is go into it with the best intentions and hopes, which we have done.  Our family, me, Zoe and Cait, feels closer and more cemented.

I really couldn't ask for more than what I have right now. 

And that's the Sage report.