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Hello Everyone! Time for a Sage update, not that there is really anything to tell. Life hit into a kind of comfortable stasis, which I enjoyed muchly. There was the one thing...
The weekend of January 12th, my brother-in-law,
Dale, just ups and drops dead out of the blue. This is Lynn's
husband (sister #3). They live in the Midwest, but Dale was from
back East and there ended up being a whole big issue about where he would
be buried and all. He was 61 years old, but was physically fit in
that Jack LaLane style, so we figured that son-of-a-bitch was going to
live forever and be dancing on all our graves. As it turned out, he was
the first one of the kids and their spouses (or as my mother calls us, "My
inlaws and my outlaws") to go. Unless someone else picks up the
gauntlet that dropped unseen when his dead hand hit the ground, I have
hopefully heard my last lecture on the effects of my hedonistic lifestyle
on my health. (As I'm looking at the Sage's True Confession graphic
up there, I'm thinking I should change that puppy to a baby now.
As you may be guessing, there was no love lost here on my part and certainly there would be no love lost on his part had the situation been reversed. I feel bad for Lynn, who is this kind of obsessive-compulsive person and freaks out if everything isn't just so in her world. Her house is a masterpiece of Better Homes and Gardens standards and she's one of these folks that does the Christmas newsletter to make sure the world knows of all of their accomplishments and successes for the year. Having her husband drop dead in midstride in front of a pile of grade school kids waiting for the school bus wasn't really in her master plan. Ginger called me to tell me what happened and the next day, me, Zoe and Baby Cait were on a plane. Cait still had a bit of ear sensitivity from her recent cold, so she was fussy during take offs and landings. Other than that, she was her usual perfect baby self. Lynn was, of course, a mess and the sisters were doing a fine job of swarming around her and cooking like mad and helping her finalize plans while speaking in hushed tones. Lynn's daughter is 17 and a senior in high school and her son is 22 and in college. They are people I have always enjoyed and I have no idea how they got to be so cool with such stick-up-the-butt parents. Must have been my influence, however intermittent. It's really the only explanation. For the most part, we just stayed out of the way and looked mournful whenever someone cast a glance our way. Zoe, Natalie (Ginger's wife) and the niece and nephew and I pretty much huddled together, talking and telling filthy jokes to one another. The hit of the event, of course, was not the corpse, but my darling Cait, who charmed the sock off of everyone there. I really should rent her out for funerals and bat mitzvahs and the like. Mom was all a'flutter and in full on Grandma mode. With the required funeral rituals behind us, complete with Lynn flinging herself onto the casket (much as Krystal will do for Babe next week) and sobbing, we settled in for the final evening before we'd fly back the next day. Lynn went to bed early and knowing we'd be leaving out at the buttcrack of dawn, I gave her my goodbye hug and told her to call if she needed me, knowing she wouldn't. She and I have never been particularly close and I'm about number 6 on the Bourland triage scale that she'd call if she needed help with only the hapless (and missing) Rosemary coming in lower on the scale than me. Kye's kids had finally collapsed for the night after running apeshit all through the house for 3 days and adults were assembled in the living room, tossed amongst the overstuffed but perfectly tailored couches, me with Cait sleeping on my chest and Zoe sitting on the floor in front of us, her head resting back on my knee. We'd made it through the whole time without one of the famous Bourland Girls' interventions being staged, and the air was thick with it. Finally I just said, "OK, get it out. Go on. I'm listening." I was pretty sure that what was coming was something about mom being unhappy in the senior home she'd chosen or Kye needed to try and take my house again or something equally as "no." Callie wasted no time speaking for the masses. "We think you and Zoe should get married." I about snorted the baby through my nose. "What?? Wha... Wha.. What?" Zoe let out this bray of laughter that was so spontaneous and loud that the baby nearly woke up. Just picture it in your head. Me, baby and Zoe, surrounded by a committee of 4 sisters, 1 sister-in-law, 2 brothers-in-law and my mother watching me and Zoe have a conniption fit over their hot idea they'd obviously conferenced over at length. Ginger picks at some imaginary lint on her pants and says, "So why is that such a bad idea?" Zoe looked at me and I looked at her and Zoe said, ticking off on her fingers, "Well, um, we've only lived together for 3 months, he completely hated me six months ago, I just got out of an awful marriage and he just got out of an awful long term relationship with the same guy..." I chimed in with, "And we're both GAY, hello! And I'm forty-eight years old and she could almost be my DAUGHTER..almost. And we're both GAY" They just stared back at us. And we stared back at them. Finally, I asked, "Why on EARTH would you think that was a good idea?" Sal, who is Marj's husband, said, "Taxes. You can file a joint return and claim the little crumb catcher." Marj whacked him and said, "Shut up, Sal," then went on with her thoughts on the matter. After 20 years on the East Coast, she talks like she was born and raised in Brooklyn, so you have to add the inflection. "You are very obviously good together, so much better than you were with that pushy boy you were with before. You are absolutely besotted with her daughter and what are you going to do if she takes up with someone else and takes that baby and leaves? You'll be destroyed." Zoe immediately said, "I'd NEVER do that to Sage." And Marj didn't miss a beat, "Exactly. You are both happy and I'm betting neither of you have any intention of changing anything, do you. Sage, are you going to ask Zoe and Cait to leave?" "Of course, I'm not," I said. "Zoe, do you plan to move out and take Cait?" "No," Zoe replied. "There you go," Cammie joined in. "You're both totally happy living together, happier than I've ever seen you, Sage. You're in your element and like it or not, you're this little girl's father. How weird is it going to be for her to grow up not knowing her father and not knowing where to put you in her life? Do you really think that if either of you DO fall in love with someone else that they're going to 'get' this? This ain't 'Three's Company!' This is the real world and in the real world, kids parents. This baby deserves to have a mother and father who love her and love each other. You're already there. You adore each other. You're best friends and you need to get married." "But... we're GAY," I said. Then it was Mom's turn, "Oh Sage, it's not always about sex, you know. Your father and I used to have great sex [The whole entire room moaned loudly, "Noooooo!!!"], but when he was gone, he was gone and I lived for decades without much sex at all. People can go without sex. Marriage isn't all about sex either. Lots of married people don't have sex." We all stared at her for a minute, then Ginger said, "Without much sex? What's that supposed to mean?" "NOOOOOOOOO!!" We all yelled. "Well, curiosity demands..." Ginger shrugged. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!" We yelled again. Mom pffted. "I keep my counsel." She sniffed a prim little sniff. "All I'm saying is that there's a lot more to a marriage than sex and the two of you already have everything else. You had lots of sex with that Colin boy and look where THAT got you." I had to admit, she had a point there. "But we've only lived together for 3 months!" Zoe said. Mom countered, "Sage, your father and I only dated for a few weeks before we married. We know what we're doing. It's in our DNA." Then Mom played the psychic card. "You know, I've always known you would marry a woman and have a child. I never said it would come from your seed. This is your wife already. You just need the piece of paper to make it legal." She nodded like that was that. Zoe jumped in, "But we're GAY. Remember? Gay!" Sal decided it was his turn again. "So you don't want to be celibate! What's wrong with that? Sexuality isn't always about attraction. Hell, I haven't been attracted to Marji for 15 years." (She hit him...hard and he laughed. "I'm just saying, sometimes it's nothing more than shared relief. I mean, if she had a crick in her neck, you'd rub it out, wouldn't you? You rubbed her back when she was in labor, didn't you? How's this different?" We kind of blinked at him, our heads exploding a bit. It was pretty much left at, "If we decide to get married, you'll be the first to know." Zoe and I haven't talked about it yet. I can tell we're both afraid to even bring it up. It was definitely weird. We left out early the next morning and then this week, on the 4th, Miss Boo Boo Kitty Cait had her 6 month birthday party with us and Kurt and Maxine. It's hard to believe it's been that long. She's such a little diva princess. I got her a little headband that looks like a tiara (and she kept ripping it off). Speaking of le princess, she's been particularly cuddly today, so it has taken me the whole day just to get this written!! Anyway, that's what's been going on in my world and now, it's time to go make dinner for my "wife." Hope yours is sparkly!
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